premiere comrade Malenkov comrade agents
thank you for coming here’s what we know so far ten years ago
the United States government covered up an invasion by an alien race known as
Hurons the primary agent was this Veera Cryptosporidium 1:37 dangerous
unpredictable and now deceased so what is being problem the problem con man is
that Hurons can clone themselves and pose convincingly as human and they use
these abilities to put Cryptosporidium one three eight into the White House and
the American people are not noticing right cool the other one
even worse this new crypto clone contains pure fear on DNA harvested from
human brains by orthopox 13 mastermind of the invasion he also bears a
mysterious new mutation referred to only as the package hands pose a dire threat to the Soviet
Union comrades and so it must be destroyed as we speak
president crypto is in bay city attending a youth cultural festival and
orthopox conducting experiments in the Fuhrer mothership greetings comrade
Mother Russia sends her regards you expect me to pay human no little Fuhrer
I expect you to die you come in right now are you receiving the
mothership has been destroyed you must come to my aid immediately follow the
distress beacon to my location these changing be agents are trying to
fricassee my motherboard hurry up what’s creepy oh he’s KGB agent that’s
right Krypto the mothership a shinobi
destroyed and I’ve been blown to smithereens
luckily I was able to download a copy of my exit into this holler box unit just
before the ship exploded gee that is lucky virtual pods are kinda
constricting canid well beggars can’t be choosers
the good news is ancient feud or lousy vegans worth left hand eons ago during
the war with the Martians you can find and activate one of those beacons you’ll
be able to summon your salsa named Rex and then I kick a little monkey ass trap quick tie me to your wrist damn hippie open the pod bay doors the mules thy language Huron God SAP my
idle with bolts of electricity attend the holy syllables of the great arc
Virgil my waning rather he was rekindled landing zone activated you’re worse good work getting a sausage in crypto no
sweat it needs to be aired out every five
thousand parsecs or so I need to bring in some big guns know where I can get my
hands on some I did manage to jettison some data cause before the mothership
was hit you might be able to recover some weapons from them if you can find
any but it certainly won’t be easy okay so where are the data cores that’s just
it they could have entered the atmosphere at any time in any place and
therefore landed anywhere on the planet I’ve managed to locate only one it was
ejected after my holopax unit so it landed quite nearby I didn’t bring any with me figured heavy
artillery ain’t exactly the smoothest way to charm the jeans off a pacifist
hippie chick I knew it I knew your unnatural interest in humans would bring
us nothing but trouble whoa whoa whoa you’re harshing my buzz
mellow help oxy easy for you to say you weren’t blown to pieces just seconds
before restoring your own genitalia what sardonic or you never studied a
data core is a device used for storing weapons or other furin technology the
outer casing is extremely dense and should have easily survived the fall to
learn the only real trick we’ll be fighting so let’s get flying uh I
mentioned for some serious payback not so fast my ultraviolent minion my scan
of the engine core has reviewed some critical damage it appears the saucer
took a hit or 12 on the way here no no no don’t say it I’m afraid we can’t
possibly take off until the engine is repaired
ah man well I guess there’s nothing left to do but scout the area and find that
data core you’re don’t worry my small to deliver data
core need your position I’ll snap it up on your baby but is this I must have been drugged I don’t understand it we blew that alien
spacecraft out of the sky and yet the shriveled geriatric one somehow survived
Jacques must be harder to kill than we thought I Spit on them clear nonetheless
inform the Kremlin we shall proceed with the operation as planned tell them we
need as much revenue as they can ship as quickly as they can ship it now Agent
Orange oh and our American distributor he suspects nothing in fact he seemed
quite enthusiastic about whole idea he drinks his breathing revolution in a
paper cup and so he will but not I think the sort he expects they spit on them
Jay Stalin he understood ideas may start revolutions but guns and gulags finish
them well no matter soon the citizens of Bay City will be
embarking on a very bad rain brains those Soviets are going to be a
bigger headache than I thought trip there come and see me when you
finished whatever it is you’re doing I may have I need an upgrade from the Jeep you cheese pies my head’s still spinning
what the hell’s going on around here why are those Rooskies gunning for us
frankly I’m more concerned with how the KGB managed such a successful twin
strike they’re not usually so organized we need to find them crypto before they
spring any more surprises okay so what I just are knocking on
doors and doing the slice-and-dice you do not a KGB you’re hardly likely to
hang around if you just start indiscriminately blowing away humans
yeah well I was just brainstorming well stop I’ve done a little research in the
criminal files of the local constabulary apparently there’s one informant in
thinks if you always knows what’s going down on the streets they called him the
freak the freak ah yeah I’ve heard about it
cats got connections all over town he’s kind of a burnout though from what I
hear he doesn’t even need drugs anymore he lives in his own personal mental
lava-lamp but if any of those stinky monkeys knows what the KGB are up to I
bet he does and I suggest you locate even find out
what he knows all right enough chitchat I’m off to
find her little hippie friend the freak excellent I shall continue my repairs on
the salsa and then I don’t know order a virtual beans or something brains I hate
this my feet thank you you’re the man man what’s wrong with me I can’t get no guru
with action maybe I’ll ask the Freak for some tips when I get back to the park he
has to fight the chicks off the land taking only what you need given what you
can Who am I kidding yeah I want a pizza and I don’t mean that soy cheese crap debt-free cat the part should be put
away for good when I walked by the park earlier I
heard the girls giggling about the freak blunder how freaky he really is if I see that freak down
park I’m gonna make him cut his hair and get a real job
hey that’d make a great country living out the land taking only what you need
given what you can crap come out with your bladder pods oh right I’m finally liberated now what hey there moon doggie I’m looking for a
dude with his ear to the street the kids call him the Freak you found him I’m all
tapped out man the heats coming down on me you know try me next week what what I
need is information what do you know about the Ivan’s in the cheap suits who
crashed our party you mean those kids eat cats yeah those dudes are straight
all right new baby Jack Lord look like Abbie Hoffman only they didn’t crash me
and they were invited who invited the KGB to harsh our buzz what I hear it was
that cat who leads that calm you I don’t know his real name but he calls himself
a IOT bomb water which is pretty righteous supposedly he’s like this
master of tantric meditation and spiritual healing
I know his cat’s got the chicks eating out of his vodka okay you piqued my
interest where do I find coyote bong water well what I hear he’s kind of
paranoid doesn’t hang out at the park for a long I heard he’s got a bad
someplace but I don’t know where what I do know is he’s coming into my
livelihood dudes been handing out this new turn on a drink like in a in a can
goes into revelry take that up bitch if you want him that’s your in find some
revelaed and you’ll probably find coyote bong water what’s in this revelaed stuff
he claims it’s like an all natural elixir
and enhances your cosmic awareness or something Bowater says it’s the first
shot in the global revolution against the man gray-gray like the monkeys
aren’t revolting enough already thanks freak I gotta go find coyote bong
water I can’t believe I just said that hmm revelry found one hash Murray Street
here I come coyote bond waters hands and out revelaed at the apartment building
on what am I waiting for coyote bong water is in meditating very
deep doesn’t have to be this and next week we’ll start one-on-one
Shakti tutoring I’ll be giving each of you private hands-on instruction and
Creon is potty the highest state of tantric arousal these sessions can run
10 hours so eat a good breakfast that’s it for today remember wherever you go
I’ll be there the shine in your Japan the sparkle in your China damn flashbacks yes again sunshine nice
little setup Young’s cheap Russian booze teenage bra burning hippie chicks man
after my own heart the join us we’re about to free the people of this city so
you’ll see the truth and embrace our beautiful new utopia the blazing super
again a communal collective and compost farm are you with us man am i with you
dude you’re bogarting the brain stands I’m gonna have to kill you my men can
handle pacifist but a crowd Oh Oh units on the double from outer space officer Johnson hey why the long face police headquarters officer Thompson do
you deliver yes but there’s a $2 surcharge wait what stop cheese box my head’s still spinning what
the hell is going on around here why are those Rooskies gunning for us
frankly I’m more concerned with how the KGB managed such a successful twin
strike they’re not usually so organized we need to find them crypto before they
spring any more surprises