Hello I’m from The Government™
with an important message as we enter the
third decade of the twenty-first century
Things are going uhm… fine, overall
The Amazon is fine…
Half of Africa is fine
So is the Arctic, Indonesia, Spain, Greece…
even Greenland’s on fucking fire – I mean, fine
Scientists have coined a new term for this
stage of climate change we’re entering:
We’re Fucked
Unlike the previous stage, which climate scientists
called “Listen to us or we might be fucked”
We’re Fucked is happening, and in your lifetime
This is thanks to us wasting decades pissfarting around at
climate summits with non-binding emission targets
whilst handing out subsidies to climate criminals
obstructing renewables
and generally not giving a shit that rising CO2 levels are
about to trigger what scientists call “Feedback Loops”
A Feedback Loop is the scientific term for
when a species uses its own ignorance
to screw itself and everything else around
it so hard that it’s own planet tells it to GTFO
Some people are already experiencing We’re Fucked
Such as these Pacific Nations facing rising sea levels
who recently begged Australia to please
stop burning coal
To which Australia responded, “get fucked”
The combination of We’re Fucked and Get Fucked
will cause wars to break out over access to food and water
Except in America, where the Chosen One
will just nuke hunger
But please, don’t panic
If the realisation that We’re Fucked troubles you
why not ride a bike to work?
have shorter showers
or send thoughts and prayers?
Just don’t join the global climate strike this September
Or Extinction Rebellion in October
Because a sustained, collective movement would force us to
take drastic action and turn this ship around
Which might just be doable, if enough of you demand it
Or you could go to Area 51 and demand
to see the aliens
In which case we’re definitely fucked
This has been a message from your local
Government™ franchise
Authorised by the Department for going gentle
into that good night