[ Upbeat music plays ] [ Crowd applauds ] What is a dollar?
Right? I mean, a dollar
is just a promise. It’s not backed by anything. But Litcoin is about
the promise of you. That’s why today,
I have huge news. I am very proud to announce
the Litcoin Merchant Alliance. Featuring all these
amazing merchants and businesses and more now accepting Litcoin. [ Cheers and applause ] Troublemaker. Malcontent. Are you an at-risk youth? I don’t know if we… You seem at risk.
But you know what? I like you…sir. Pugilist. Oh, yeah.
Like, yeah, you know. I know the type.
Quick to fight. Want to settle things with these
ten things right here, huh? What if the next guy that you
want to thrash has one of these? Yeah. You got to think about that
before you approach somebody. You got to ask yourself,
hey, wait a second, what if…he’s…p– Turner: Ooh! Ohh! Oh. Oh, Goodnight, um, you okay? [ Groans ] Martinez, call —
Call 9– Call 911. -Ooh. He’s bleeding.
-Mnh-mnh! Mnh-mnh! Mnh-mnh! Okay, I’m gonna
call 911. [ Clears throat ] I’m gonna call…uh… Oh, my God.
Did you get that 9-1-1? -I’m rich!
-Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit down. Sit down,
everybody. Sit down. I’m rich! My Litcoin
just blew up, girl. My Litcoin just blew up!
I’m rich and I quit! I quit, girl! Culpepper, I quit! Okay, I think, uh,
y’all can go now. Okay, and I think it’s
best you don’t say nothin’ about what you saw here.
Because y’all ain’t no snitches! [ All cheering ] Simon: I can’t look!
I can’t look! Just tell me, just tell me,
just tell me! Dude… Let’s just say you almost
have almost $7,000, man! [ Indistinct shouting ] I’m gonna take a weekend trip
to Milwaukee! Ha-ha! Wisconsin, here I come! Good news, kids.
Y’all are all going to college. I’m looking at three
future college students, one of which needs braces
and will probably go to a junior college
for two years first. But y’all are all going.
Daddy love ya. You know, it reminds me
of a poem. So what’s the plan?
We gonna buy us some Litcoin? Mnh-mnh. We’re gonna
kidnap the white dude. Everything Litcoin
runs through you, Jerry. We need you to set up
a Litcoin mine in this house. Only you can do it. Yeah. I see you equivocating, but what you don’t understand
is, the sooner you start, the sooner we can take your ass
back to Roscoe Village. You understand me? How you feel
about that, Bluto? It was cool,
it was cool. Just don’t — don’t
force the anger, man. Let the words
do the work. I like that. [ Inhales sharply ] You ready? Yeah. Bring him in. [ Sniffs, clears throat ] Okay, I get it. Kidnap the crypto CEO, right? Okay, but look. Things you don’t — Ay! [ Handcuffs click ] You picked the worst week
to do it, okay? How about we come back
in a month? Hell, I’ll come to you. We can figure this all out. Shh. A dollar is a promise. Your words. I said that?
That’s pretty good. Bars, right?
Isn’t that a thing?