Hello everyone I hope your Sundays have been good to you. I had a really good day I went for a walk, I cleaned my flat, I saw Get Out. I literally just got back from seeing Get Out at the cinema which was such a brilliant film. If you don’t normally like horror or scary films or anything then please do give this a chance because I think it’s so much better to see it in the cinema and I was just laughing and terrified at certain parts and I really, really enjoyed it. I’m really glad I saw it while there was still such a crowd for it as well. So I have a feeling that when it comes out wherever you are the cinema will be packed and you’ll get the proper viewing experience. But I just loved it, what a beautiful horror film! I thought it was just brilliantly shot. This is a strange place to say this but I also had a really good day of not putting sharing first. I’ve been thinking a lot about how and when I decide to make something. More often than not it doesn’t feel like there is a decision in it, it feels like something that just happens. But there is a decision there somewhere I think at least, at least for my making and I would like to think about that more just because I want to be making more and I want to be occupying more of my time with making. I’ve come to realise that, it’s sort of gross to say, but I’ve come to realise that there have been several occasions where I have not done something because it’s not useful to me in a shareable way. Or I’ve only thought of something in its utility in terms of sharing. And that in turn has made me think about the times that I have seen something and whether I’m seeing it differently because I’m thinking about sharing it. Seeing something to share it is kind of like looking at something with your hands like this. You are having a certain, you’re putting a certain frame on your experience and what you are looking at and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing, that’s not always a bad thing, I’m kind of going to go into it a bit more about that in a second but I do think that that changes the experience of seeing it. and acknowledging that change in experience makes me think about how I see things when I’m not seeing to share. It’s as though someone has switched the first and second preferred wifi networks in my brain and I’m seeing everything in terms of how I can convert it into something useful. It’s like when you go to LA as well and you meet people and you feel like they are looking at you to see whether they can get use out of you. You know like there is something really transactional about it sometimes, on occasion, not everyone. Having recognised that drive to find the utility in something I’m trying to challenge myself to make for different reasons and see things for different reasons and go on walks for different reasons. And then also to stress to myself that something can be useful to me personally without needing to be shared. Like sharing something isn’t the only way an experience can be useful to me. Which I know and I put into practice in my everyday life but sometimes I don’t know there’s like this creeping something there is a basilisk let loose in the pipes around the school. I mentioned transactional LA relationships and I’m really interested in the concept of modern currency Dollars and Pesos and Euros and Yen and the pitiful Pound sterling aside I’m interested in the ways, where we place value what kind of interactions have value to us, what is it that we are marketing and how, what we get from that. So power is a kind of gold standard, “influence” which is related to that is definitely reaching some sort of wobbly heights at the moment as is the ability to market yourself. There is a need in my opinion to prove that you are good at sharing things and that you are good at connecting people to items. I don’t mean it in the sense that like necessarily the end goal there is people will see how good I am at sharing items and then will give me an item to share and they will pay me lots of money for it. I don’t think it’s quite as neat as that but I do think that our behaviour is geared towards something like that. Without making that the end goal necessarily but that’s the kind of behaviour that has been rewarded that’s how we are seen as useful in the market and then there is the sense of like internalising that I think. The moment I say this I think someone is going to find an example where this is not the case but I don’t think that any currency is intrinsically bad how you find and spend that currency is where the ethics questions come in. A clear example here is blood diamonds. Blood diamonds as a chemical structure aren’t intrinsically bad but the way that they are obtained and spent and distributed that has human lives on it’s hands. Those are where the principles and suffering and very real people’s blood literally gets involved. Making money from sharing things isn’t intrinsically bad. I would say that but I still believe it. So today I was really conscious about going for a walk for the purpose of going for a walk. Not to take the adorable selfie that I did take of myself, not to vlog about it. Not looking for that moment as like “is this a good opportunity for me to make my vlog for today” “Is this a good moment for me to do X, Y and Z”, “is this going to be useful for me in some other part of my day” but because it was seventeen degrees and sunny and it’s beautiful and it’s near where I live and I could go for a fucking walk and I don’t want a medal, I don’t think there was anything particularly extraordinary about what I did but my priorities there were important because it allowed me to make space for myself and also take the pressure off that experience that shouldn’t be a high pressure one really, going for a walk in the sunshine. Sometimes I want to go for a walk and take an adorable selfie and both things are on the table. But again it comes back to the idea that going for a walk is useful to me personally and enjoyable and a nice thing to do even without taking an adorable selfie. I don’t think that this is just “social media culture”, I don’t think that this is just those darn kids, those millennials, those snake people staring at their phones, sending off their invoices for their protest fees. For a supposedly paid protester my student loan balance is very high! I think this is more to do with my need to make the most out of every single second of the day To make it productive and yes even profitable. The anxiety that things will fall apart. The need to stay on top of my skills, the need to always be learning to always be doing the most. The idea that the value of my existence, of my one precious life, is in staying afloat and also in these external metrics of success. I’m not going to stop sharing things altogether, sharing is how I found community. It’s also how I have become a more courageous person with greater opportunities that have in turn made me a better maker. But I am going to make a point to remind myself that things can be useful and important to me personally without having to be shared. That in my list of preferred wifi networks sharing can be second to doing something because I want to because I’m just doing it for myself or because it’s seventeen degrees Celsius and sunny. I’ll see you tomorrow and if you haven’t seen it yet go see Get Out. Bye!